It has been awhile

Alot has changed and sorry it has been awhile!!!!! I am now out to my family and so is jennifer. We have been together for almost 2 years now!! Actually in 6 days jennifer and my whole family and I are taking a cruise and going to disnyworld. we are pretty excited to say the least. My cousin Aiden was finally born! He is pretty cute, he kind of looks like a monkey though but he doesnt smell like one, he has that new baby smell still. Since Aiden was born it has got me thinking alot about my future and i cant wait for what is to come when i can get married and have kids of my own. I call it in the next ten years plan. It sucks sometimes though seeing my cousins getting married and having kids and knowing thats it is not possible for me right now hurts. I figure that once i am well established, jennifer and i will be able to go down that path and have a family of our own. It is crazy to think not 9 months ago i came out to my parents and now my family for the most part is ok and they even talk about jennifer and my own future together. It is kind of ironic almost. Anyways I will update more sooooon

My secret heart is buried...

"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But, it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried when you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for the want of a teller but for the want of an understanding ear." ~Stephen King

One day I will find my understanding ear to listen.

My deepest fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our Light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Sometimes I get scared of what's ahead of me, my future. I don't know how to get un-scared or how to prepare myself for these new changes or how to deal with these new changes. It keeps me up most nights and its crosses my mind daily. How do you prepare yourself for the unknown? When the only known is that life itself is uncertain and everything in it is subject to change with out notification. A constant struggle in my minds eyes is that I am not adequate enough to be living the life I live and that I am not giving it a worthy effort and that I will fail miserable with out ever actually living. I fear that I will die without the people around me the ones I truly care about not ever knowing me; without ever meeting the real me. I fear that I will never reach my potential or reach my hidden desitiny.

I am so full of fear and pain its disgusting. Most of my struggles I have already beat once most of my pain I have already faced once why is it so hard to overcome all of these uncertainities?

I guess this is the true definition of what it means to truly grow up and to become the person you were meant to be.

My heart pounds for her.

This is me and my girlfriend. That's right girlfriend.. and yes I am a girl too.. Yes that means I am a lesbian and that would also imply that she is a lesbian as well.. She means the world to me and I am so lucky to be apart of hers. We have only been together for a few months and it feels like I have known her for an eternity and I love spending every second and every minute with her. She is my anchor in this totally mixed up crazy world. She keeps me calm when I lose my temper and she cheers me up when I am down. She listens to me when I need someone to and the best of all she loves me for me. She is my best friend and the love of my life and I wouldn't want it any other way. I love you lil girl